when there is magic in the maybe

sometimes life makes no sense at all

the timing feels off

your energy is low

something unexpected happens

people close to you change,

grow, or distance themselves

last week, I was laying in bed, thinking…

well, I never could have planned this.

what is even happening right now.

I’m back living in a place that I dreamt and wished to escape for years. a room filled with horrible memories and trauma. the physical room itself would act as a constant reminder of failure and sadness… if I let it.

but that’s not me. I am stronger than that room. i’m convinced that the universe sent me back to this room as a test of my true strength. a challenge to really see if I have the grit that I will need for my future. will my past traumas, environments, and roadblocks keep me from success?

no. not anymore. I have grown and found my new and improved inner strength.

it’s been almost two months now. i went from having a panic attack a day when I first moved in to none at all. but it took work.

the first week was unpacking of course. deciding which room I wanted and convincing myself that I needed to convert the other room into an office and gym.

the second week was cleaning, dumping all this sh*t that I wanted nothing to do with off at goodwill. i must of gotten rid of 10 boxes.

week three was home depot week. I cleaned out all of the back storage rooms, repainting everything in white. i got new furniture and a handyman. i wanted everything to look like a hotel. functional, clean, peaceful, new. i told myself that I would rewrite my story here, that I would paint a new picture in my mind.

week 4-6 was all of the organizing projects. my absolute favorite. labels, bins, and sharpies were scattered everywhere. now, everything had a home and a function.

now i am at peace. the story of the place that once hurt me is completely rewritten. safe, beautiful, and successfully repainted.

having the ability to adapt, to evolve, to change. these are the most important superpowers a person can have. life is hard. if it isn’t hard for you now, congratulations, you struck the lottery of life. eventually life will get hard, because it always does and there is no scale of what makes one life worse than another. suffering is suffering; someone’s magnitude of pain is one we never know. we mustn’t compare or overlook anyone’s struggles. we will never know what it’s like to be going through what they are going through.

the truth is, that when it hits, no matter what hits, it hits hard. in that moment we make a choice; how we respond to the hardship. yes, we need to heal. I am not advising you to ignore your emotions. please feel everything deeply and listen to your body. take care of yourself and love yourself well.

when the healing phase begins to close, we have to make a choice as to how we will operate within our new reality. a reality that is now filled with immense change. we can have a pity party or we can choose to see purpose in the pain. the priceless lessons.

this is what I like to call the “maybe.”

the maybe says, “maybe this is happening to make me stronger. maybe this is happening to prepare me for something bigger in my future. maybe this slower season of life is happening because, in the future, i’ll be so busy that i won’t be able to appreciate the time i have with this person like I do now.”

whatever it is, life happens for you, not to you.

there is magic in the maybe.

maybe I’m back at home with my mom to enjoy these slower days with her before my career takes off at full speed. we walk together every day. we laugh over coffee and shamelessly gossip, as the mother and daughter duo usually does. we decorate, listen to music, cook, and work together on fun projects.

it hit me. the magic. the maybe. the present moment. a true gift, one that can only fully be enjoyed when you are present for it.

this November season, relish in the “maybe” moments. the unplanned events, possibly-annoying family gatherings, the random inconveniences… there might just be magic there. your job is to find it and feel it completely.

sending love to everyone this holiday season. i want to hear from you as always! email me at nicole@h3r.space .

i want to hear your stories, thoughts, and ideas. i am so grateful for h3r, an amazing community of ambitious women.

make sure to follow us on all of our social media accounts and stay updated on all things h3r.

hugs!

Nicole <3

Nicole De Fulgentiis CEO/Founder/Creative Director □