By: Michelle Richards

Toxic Positivity. We are often told that, regardless of the severity of our situation, we must maintain a positive mindset and “look on the bright side.” Regardless of the intention, these sentiments can be degrading to others. The fact is, that at one point or another, we all face legitimate problems: grief and loss, financial issues, health problems, depression, and many more issues that cannot simply go away with a positive attitude. We are human; emotions are far more complex than that.

Oftentimes, toxic positivity begins with good intentions. However, as its name suggests, its effect is toxic to others. When the people we love go through hard times, we want to encourage them; to provide them with the confidence they need to get through it. At the same time, their feelings should not be dismissed. The unintended message, that your loved one’s emotions are not valid, may backfire and cause them to push away.

So, how do you avoid toxic positivity when helping a loved one? It may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes, the best thing is to listen without providing input or giving advice. Next time, try asking, “Do you want me to help, or would you rather that I just listen,” or, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know have words for what you are going through, but I am here to listen and be someone to lean on.” Sometimes, the most valuable thing you can provide is a shoulder to cry on, a safe space to vent, and a person to lean on!

Here are some examples of how we can change our language to be more helpful to loved ones facing difficult situations:

Toxic Statements

• Just stay positive!

• Good vibes only!

• It could be worse.

• Things happen for a reason.

• Failure isn't an option.

• Happiness is a choice.

Non-Toxic Alternatives

• I'm listening.

• I'm here no matter what.

• That must be really hard.

• Sometimes bad things happen. How can I help?

• Failure is sometimes part of life.

• Your feelings are valid. (Cherry, 2021)

If you think that someone you love may need professional support, check out these resources: Better Help. □

Article Resources

*What is toxic positivity*, Kendra Cherry (2021)

Article Credits

Michelle’s Linktree: https://linktr.ee/Shelldez