Finding True Acceptance
By: Michelle Richards
FINDING TRUE ACCEPTANCE
The Oxford Dictionary defines acceptance as “the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable.” Acceptance is the acknowledgment that we are good enough and worthy of love exactly the way that we are. Nothing can replace that feeling of being truly seen and accepted. When we feel like we have to keep our true and authentic selves (things like political preferences, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, life choices, etc.) hidden in order to protect ourselves - and, therefore, do not feel accepted - it can take a toll on our mental health, our security, and our sense of self.
Today, there is division on several issues and topics (COVID, LGBTQ+, pronouns, politics, abortion, to name a few) it can often be hard for families to find a common ground. This is especially true when you think about the dynamics of many families, who often come from different generations with different life experiences, different stances, and, for some family members, a lack of exposure to certain people or ideas. These things can make it more difficult for families to come together, connect, and accept each other. These differences can cause disagreements, and anger, and can put a strain on or even ruin relationships. Divisiveness can drive wedges that are hard to remove.
Grappling with the difficult things in life (i.e., traumatic childhood, parenthood, body image, financial status, relationship status, past mistakes, failures, regret, or strained familial relationships) can leave us feeling inadequate like we could or should have done something different. It can impede us from truly loving and accepting ourselves. If those around us don’t try to meet us halfway or understand us, it doesn’t mean that we aren’t worthy of acceptance. If we can’t find acceptance within our families, sometimes we have to look a little harder outside of that circle to find people who are like us, and who truly understand us. We also have to make sure that we have found true acceptance within ourselves.
As important as it is for human beings to have extrinsic acceptance, it is imperative that we wholeheartedly accept ourselves. If we can accept ourselves for exactly who we are - our true and authentic selves - we are more likely to be able to show up for others.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” ― Brené Brown, researcher
It is not a surprise that a 2020 study on college students found a positive link between a sense of belonging and greater happiness and overall well-being, as well as an overall reduction in the mental health outcomes including:
Anxiety
Depression
Hopelessness
Loneliness
Social anxiety
Suicidal thoughts
Humans are hardwired to seek deep connections with others; part of those connections involve feeling seen and understood by those people.
According to Lauren Suval in her article on PsychCentral, “Once our physical needs are met, filling our core emotional needs becomes our number one priority in life. Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, the desire for validation is one of the strongest motivating forces known to man. On a deep emotional level, feeling approved of makes us feel secure with ourselves as a person. There is a huge degree of inner peace and security connected to feeling good about who we are.”
When it comes to true acceptance of ourselves, we need to find a little bit of grace and kindness within. It may help to think about the way we would treat a beloved family member or friend. You would probably do whatever you could to help a loved one find that love within themselves. We need to take a little bit of that energy when it comes to our own self-talk. Here are a few ways we can move toward truly accepting our authentic selves:
Evaluate. Sometimes we need to assess whether we are actually the ones not accepting ourselves, or whether that seed of doubt about our self-worth has been planted in our heads by someone else in our life. Sometimes we take on beliefs or projections from others that don’t belong to us at all and can be the insecurity or self-loathing of others. It can be hard to be secure in ourselves when someone whose opinion we care about doesn’t approve.
Change your focus. Focus on the attributes that you do like about yourself as opposed to the ones that aren’t your favorite. We may not always love every aspect of ourselves, from our body to our personality, but we are who we are. We can at least shift our focus to be a little bit more positive about who we are.
Write it down. Journal about the things you are struggling to accept about yourself, and include an affirmation for each area. If you work on changing the narrative and self-talk to be a little bit more positive to yourself you may find more ways that you appreciate your uniqueness. You are worth finding ways to love and accept yourself.
Reach out for support. Seek therapy or counseling to talk and work through the root of where these feelings come from, and to help bring out the positive attributes in ourselves for more self-love.
Embrace your inner child. Working through past traumas can help bring light to the reason why we have negative thoughts about ourselves. It can be helpful to reflect on things from your past that may have helped to mold these thoughts and to work on moving past these feelings to a more positive view of ourselves. You can start by putting together a timeline of events from your early life, from birth to age 6, and see if you can pinpoint when things happened, and how they may correlate to your experiences and choices as an adult. □
About the Writer
Michelle Richards lives in Wilmington, Delaware with her husband and two daughters. When she isn’t writing for H3R, Michelle works as a Care Counselor with Cerebral. She believes that access to quality, affordable Mental Health services is essential and wants to help to break the stigma of asking for support. Michelle loves the beach, reading, writing, true crime, exercising outside, watching movies with her daughters, and date nights with her husband.
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