By: Michelle Richards

The Oxford Dictionary defines acceptance as “the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable.”  Acceptance is the acknowledgment that we are good enough and worthy of love exactly the way that we are. No feeling compares to the one that makes us feel as though we are being seen and accepted for who we really are.  When we feel  that we have to keep our true and authentic selves hidden from others to protect ourselves from the repercussions, we are unable to feel accepted. Hiding things like political views, religious beliefs, sexual identity and overall life choices can take a toll on our mental health, our security, and our sense of self.

In today’s society, there is often division caused by topics such as: COVID, LGBTQ+, pronouns, politics, abortion, just to name a few. This makes it hard for families to find a common ground. This is especially true when you think about the dynamics of many families, who were all raised in different generations and therefore have different life experiences, stances, and, for some family members, a lack of exposure to culturally different  people or ideas. All of these variables can make it challenging for families to come together, connect, and accept each other. These differences can cause disagreements, anger, and can put a strain on relationships or even ruin these relationships long term. Divisiveness can drive wedges between people that are hard to remove.

Grappling with the difficult events and situations in life (i.e. traumatic childhood, parenthood, body image, financial status, relationship status, past mistakes, failures, regret, or strained familial relationships) can leave us feeling inadequate. It’s easy to feel like we could have or should have done something different. Ignoring or avoiding difficult situations can impede us from truly loving and accepting ourselves. If the people in our lives aren't willing to meet us halfway or consistently don't understand us, we can go inward to find love and acceptance. And sometimes we have to expand our circle of people in order to find people who make us feel known and loved unconditionally.

As important as it is for human beings to have extrinsic acceptance, it is also imperative that we wholeheartedly accept ourselves. If we can accept ourselves for exactly who we are, down to our core, we are more likely to be able to be supportive of others. Brene Brown, a researcher on this topic, states that, “ true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”

It is no surprise that a 2020 study of college students found that there was a positive link between a sense of belonging and greater happiness and overall well-being, as well as an overall reduction in the mental health outcomes including, but not limited to:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Hopelessness

• Loneliness

• Social anxiety

• Suicidal thoughts

Humans are hardwired to seek deep connections with others; some of those various connections involve feeling seen and understood by those around us.

According to Lauren Suval’s research  article on PsychCentral, “Once our physical needs are met, filling our core emotional needs becomes our number one priority in life. Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, the desire for validation is one of the strongest motivating forces known to man. On a deep emotional level, feeling approved of makes us feel secure with ourselves as a person. There is a huge degree of inner peace and security connected to feeling good about who we are.” (Lauren Suval).

So what are some of the ways you can find acceptance within yourself?

1. Focus on the attributes that you do like about yourself as opposed to the ones you don’t. Much like the rule of manifestation, what you focus on ultimately grows.

2. Write it down. Journal about the things you are struggling to accept about yourself, using Fear and Power columns. Under the fear column, write down the attributes about yourself that you feel are negative. In the power column, change the attribute narrative from negative to a positive affirmation. Example: Fear - “I hate my body.” Power - “My body is healthy, strong and beautiful, it has carried me safely through life.”

3. Seek therapy or counseling with a mental health professional who can help you get to the root of why you may not accept yourself, and help you  work toward experiencing self-love and acceptance.

4. Inner child-work. You can start by putting together a timeline of events from your most impressionable years (birth to age 6) outline influential events (whether you remember them or not) from this time period. Observe these events from an objective perspective to see if you can pinpoint how these experiences may influence your choices as an adult and relationship to yourself. □

Article Resources

Resources:

What is the Sense of Belonging? Very Well Mind. Kendra Cherry (2021)

What Drives Our Need for Approval? PsychCentral Lauren Suval (2012)

Article Credits

Michelle’s Linktree: https://linktr.ee/Shelldez

About the Writer

Michelle Richards lives in Wilmington, Delaware with her husband and two daughters.  When she isn’t writing for H3R, Michelle works as a Care Counselor with Cerebral. She believes that access to quality, affordable Mental Health services is essential and wants to help to break the stigma of asking for support. Michelle loves the beach, reading, writing, true crime, exercising outside, watching movies with her daughters, and date nights with her husband.