By: Taylor Pircey

Few things can wear us down like pain. Pain gets our attention in ways other things can’t - the blaring alarm that deep down, something is not right. Pain is a warning system alerting us to the presence of inflammation, of woundedness, of a system out whack, in need of recalibration. It’s easy to associate chronic pain with older people, but we often overlook the many young men and women, even children, who face this struggle daily.

In a world of growing toxicity from the products we consume, foods we eat and places we live in, we’re seeing a rise in diseases and pain even among the youth of our society. Auto-immune diseases, eating disorders, gut issues that lend relentless stomach aches, relational trials which lead to emotional heartbreak, and the very tangible cases of acute pain from accidents are all examples of maladies we face even as youth in our society. Pain takes on many forms, levels, and causes, yet one thing remains undeniable – it is ruthless, persistent, and undeniably present.

Pain can threaten to consume us and immobilize us even mentally as we face its overwhelming presence. It’s difficult to keep your focus or live in any normal sense when pain knocks on your door. She is nuanced in the way she manifests both physically and emotionally in our lives – it’s hard to argue which can be worse. Ironically, the physical often affects us emotionally while the emotional affects us quite physically! Physical pain impacts mental health in unfathomable ways as discouragement, confusion, frustration, agony, and despair can overcome us mercilessly. The mental fortitude pain instructs us in is hard learned indeed.

Emotional pain on the flip side often surprises us with her physical impact as we can range from loss of appetite and drastic weight loss to sleepless nights, intense anxiety and panic attacks, stomach ulcers & heightened blood pressure among other things. How does one cope with unspeakable loss? How does one recover from deeply rooted trauma? See, pain is the result of trauma, of some unspeakable impact which has left us so wounded and broken that the throbs of pain ensue with gusto. Pain is an alarm, alerting us to the damage without or within. She holds up a red flag where foul play is afoot and urges us to put out the fire.

The root cause of our pain is twofold – inflammation and impact. Inflammation in an emotional sense tends to rise from adverse circumstances, relational turmoil, or any other scenario where something we love has been taken, threatened, or lost. Inflammation in a physical sense stems from the presence of irritants within our physiology, be they accident, disease, or toxin-related sources. Impact is different in that the cause typically comes from outside us…rather than being an internal root issue, this tends to be forces without which have come upon us emotionally or physically.

Physically and emotionally, the most common examples are accidents, abuse, physical or emotional violence, and other mishaps from exterior causes. These things come from the circumstances of life pressing in on us or the people around us inflicting such things upon us. Regardless of what form your pain takes or how it was handed to you, pain demands to be heard. Pain matters because even if you are not in pain personally, you know someone who is and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about pain, its that it takes a village to bear her heavy load. We are never meant to walk through pain alone – this is a burden that must be shared, that we must invite others into with us.

Suffering should never leave us victimized and stripped of all resources. Suffering has the potential to offer us our greatest lessons, blessings, and rewards if we harness the opportunity! What could we GAIN from our pains? Every situation in life offers us opportunities – to grow, become more loving people, to strengthen ourselves, to learn from past mistakes, to make the most of the mess we can find ourselves in, etc. Sometimes pain will fade – the heartbreak will wane, the wounds will heal, the diseases be cured, the inflammation die down, but others remain with us indefinitely.

When we lose a loved one to death, the grief and pain that follow can leave a permanent scar on our hearts. Certain diagnoses can leave us subject to the cruelty of certain diseases which know no cure. Accidents can be so intense, their impact triggers a longevity of pain which never seems to end. What then? How do you face pain when it is much less a season or a moment and much more so a lifestyle? What legacy can pain possibly hand us?

I have been fortunate enough to experience good health for much of my life. I would have friends with autoimmune diseases or sharp pain from car accidents or elderly folk facing things like shingles or joint pain and I would try to have compassion on them, but there’s nothing quite like experience to teach you the full brunt of their experience. I have been in a few car accidents and one was brutal. I was side swiped at night on a busy freeway and the impact propelled my car into a spin and I was hit on multiple sides of my vehicle. I should have experienced many more side effects from that accident than I did – I was lucky to be alive!

What I did experience though was the most piercing back and chest pain of my life due to the muscle spams from multiple impacts. It was so excruciating I found it hard to breathe much less function. Laying in complete stillness had me focusing on my breathing as my head pounded distractingly at how intense this pain was. It felt like my back and chest were being pulled apart by a million knives and I suddenly had a truer understanding of what some people endure for years. I only experienced this for a month whereas some people lived the rest of their lives with chronic pain.

Suffering is not a comparison game of who has endured more, each man’s pain is his own. Yet I have also seen my own sufferings make way for deeper, more intentional relationships with my friends and family because when you can relate to someone’s pain, even in a small way, you can grow in intimacy with that person. Your darkest nights become the brightest dawns for others when you allow your suffering to breed intimacy rather than hostility or distance. We don’t have to walk through our pain alone – including others in it, asking for help and being honest about the struggle creates a catalyst for fellowship.

What is that strange word, fellowship, anyways? Fellowship is simply being in the same boat as someone else (quite literally it’s a bunch of fellows in a ship). It’s choosing to take the same journey as someone else, with them, come what may. Fellowship is partnering with others come rain or shine & it’s vital to our survival! I’m not sure if you, the reader, are experiencing pain right now or if you have in the past, but I’m sure you know at least one person who is suffering the effects of pain right now.

How do we handle pain? How do we approach people we care for who are in it? Let’s be honest, pain is awkward! What do you say? Can you really be any help in the face of such trauma? What’s helpful for someone suffering? The greatest thing you could ever do for someone who is in pain is be there – be present to them. If you can’t be there physically with them, then be there emotionally and spiritually.

Listen to them, give them space to share, to process and to be as they are. Ask them questions, invite them to tell you how they feel and what they are experiencing. Most people never slow down enough to listen and be present to the pain of others, but that can be the greatest gift you could give them. If they want to cry, let them cry. If they want to express anger and frustration, let them yell or vent to you. Pain demands to be felt, to be seen, and choosing to be present to the sufferings of others in kinship brings more relief than you can imagine.

Another way we can serve those in pain is remind them they are not their pain – you are not the way you feel, stuck in the excruciating cycle you find yourself in. You are not defined by your pain. Don’t allow your pain to break you down – use it as a catalyst for your growth! The fortitude pain will develop in you is only as powerful as the extent you embrace the pain and push through it. Pain is, indeed, a crucible. It tests us, refines us, sees what we’re made of and builds something new in us. When you walk through something painful, you are expanding your capacity to love, to hold space for others in their journeys and relate to their sufferings.

Here’s the secret – pain bonds you to others because the shared experience knits your hearts together. It enhances your compassion for others and allows you to walk with them through their own trials because you know what it’s like – this is a road you’ve walked before. If you have never suffered personally, sit at the feet of those who have or do and learn from them! Pain can feel fruitless, futile and utterly hopeless. When you’re in great pain, you feel stuck, claustrophobic, emotional and desperate for release. This can literally drive you crazy if you aren’t careful!

Waking up each day to such a dismal situation can become depressing and utterly hopeless. You may find yourself asking “why me” or feeling as if this lot handed to you by life is cruel and unjust punishment, causing you to ask why it’s knocking on your door. What did you ever do to deserve this? The answer is nothing! Pain is not a punishment; pain is information that alerts us to something wrong going on in or around us. Pain is a mercy because it opens a door for healing.

I want to help us re-frame pain in a hopeful context because ultimately it is the beginning of healing. Pain means it can only get better, that there are things we may need to address or correct that we’ve been ignoring for far too long, and this is our chance to change and grow in health. Healing is a harrowing journey, but it’s also one of the most beautiful roads to walk because it literally renews us – makes us new people.

Pain is the beginning of a beautiful life whereby you become a more whole, loving person overall. Where you learn to walk with millions before you and millions who will come after you and walk a similar road. Pain is a partnership with our fragility and humanity. It is a reminder that life is precious and health a blessing. Pain reminds us that we aren’t as invincible as we think we are; it teaches us to savor the blessings of life and the moments of good health. It teaches us to be grateful, to value the days we feel good, to prioritize healing, to keep living life rather than wasting away under the burden of your pain.

How has your pain shaped you? It’s easy to let our pain define us or confine us in fear even after we’ve healed. We can be fearful of driving our cars or riding our bikes again, tentative about entering new relationships in fear that it will be just like that last one that broke our heart. I encourage you to press into these fears and wrestle with them. True healing looks like allowing love to re-shape us to a point where we may be wiser and more cautious, but we are not closed off to better things and new possibilities. Pain cultivates discernment in us that will in turn offer us a better life as we live in wisdom.

You may think this all sounds great, but how do you cope with the pain now? After all, this is a long journey with all the stages of grief involved! Be patient with yourself, take your time and be kind to yourself. This is not a linear journey – its’s up and down and all around. You may even feel like you’re back pedaling some days and only getting worse, not better. Be present to what you’re feeling and experiencing.

Question yourself and interrogate the thoughts that pop into your head. Don’t let self-loathing creep in or convince you you’re worthless or will always be this way. Take your thoughts to task and push back on them – who says I’m worthless? Who says this defines me? Who says I’m stuck in this cycle forever? Speak the truth over yourself daily – I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. This does not define me; this is helping me grow. This is not the end of my story, it’s only the beginning. I will be wiser and stringer and more loving because of this.

One of the most helpful things you can practice in great pain is to grieve and lament. Lament is a sacred gift that eastern cultures have been practicing for generations. It’s the process of intense mourning at the wrongs you are experiencing. Getting a trusted friend or counselor to walk you through the stages of grief during this experience will help you unpack all those emotions and begin to heal even as you are processing your journey. Learning to recognize and identify your pain gives language to your d=suffering and will help you move through the pain.

Most of all, include others in your process, especially when its hard. We are not meant to suffer alone in silence…we are relational beings who need each other to make it through difficult times. This is not the time to withdraw, thinking you will be a burden on your friends and family or that you won’t be accepted as you are. Invite them in, ask them to come over and do what you can to spend time with them, even if all you can do is watch a movie with them.

Human beings are energy fields – we emit and receive energy from other people’s magnetic fields and emotions. This is how we can sense someone’s mood towards us, how we exhibit and receive affection and how we can either feel drained by certain people or energized by them. When you are in pain, your energy frequencies are at some of their lowest. The “high vibrations” of the hippy movement were not just a trend, scientists have been conducting studies on our energy fields since then and have determined that each of us possesses a five-foot radius around us which can impact those around us.

People who meditate for extended periods or focus their mind through breath work, prayer, or journaling, have been proven to extend their energy fields up to a half mile radius – impressive indeed! When we are low on energy, or having it sapped from us by physical or emotional pain and the accompanying exhaustion and shame, there’s never a time we need people around us more to refill our cups and bear our burdens with us more! Love is the highest vibration – when we love someone, our energy field spikes and we transmit that emotion to the person we love and it can physiologically impact them. You, dear reader, are so loved!

When you walk through the crucible of pain, you need to know you are loved, you need to feel it, and you need other people to drive out the ill-effects of your pain with their presence and affection. You are not alone in your pain and this is not the end of your story – pain hands you a microphone and everyone around you leans in to listen, watches to see how you’ll react. Redeem your loss, redeem your agony by taking advantage of the platform you’ve just been given and pour out your heart into the lives of others. You are far more equipped than you may think – far more powerful than the debilitating effects of your pain. Start from the ashes and build something beautiful! □

About The Writer

Taylor Pircey currently resides in Thousand Oaks, California where she works as a film photographer and mortgage processor. Taylor loves cooking, reading, road trips, hiking, and all things community-oriented.

Article Credits

Taylor’s Instagram: @seeking__sun & @wildwestelopements

Taylor’s TikTok: @wildwestelopements

Taylor’s Pinterest: @wildwestelopements

Taylor’s Website: @seekingsun.org

Photography Credits: Taylor Pircey

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