Rethinking Boundaries For A Better, More Productive You
By Olivia Burd
Photography: Elina Araja
Do you feel that you can express to your superiors when work becomes overwhelming? Or do you feel like you are constantly saying “yes” for approval? Sharon Martin, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in boundary-setting, defines boundaries as “rules and guidelines that tell others how we want to be treated—what’s acceptable and what’s not” (Martin). If you can express your limits to the people around you, it is likely that you have an understanding of boundaries; if you are always saying yes, regardless of how you feel, however, you might want to consider establishing healthy boundaries.
Understanding personal boundaries is a crucial step to figuring out where exactly your boundaries lie. These boundaries may vary between your work environment, home environment, and with friends; recognizing those limits and boundaries will help give you the ability to confidently say no.
The inability to openly say no leads to a “yes” person, which can be detrimental to one’s mental health and work ethic. The Resilience Centre also claims that “Without clear boundaries we may feel resentful, taken advantage of, and eventually shut down and withdraw. It can affect our sense of self-esteem, self-worth and overall personal and interpersonal comfort level” (Soghomonian). Even more, setting healthy boundaries in a workplace can be far more complicated. Some bosses reward their employees for saying yes, conditioning those employees into becoming “yes” people, out of fear that the boss will react negatively upon hearing the word “no.”If your thoughts are always shut down in a workspace, it can become hard to maintain your boundaries.
Understanding the importance of setting boundaries is a great way to ensure that those personal boundaries are maintained. Forbes explains the importance as, “understanding your value, knowing your priorities and making sure that others do as well. It is about creating the space and time for you to flourish and achieve your career goals and life purpose” (Andrade). In short, boundaries don’t exist to burden others, as many “yes” people believe; they exist to cultivate your own successes and personal growth. In some cases, it may be hard for the people around you to understand the boundaries that you set. This may show where they stand on their relationship with you as well as with themselves.
Among the many benefits of boundaries is harboring less anger and resentment. When our needs aren’t being met, or we’re spending less time on things we love, it can cause a lot of anger. Because our own needs aren’t met while we still have to meet the needs of others, it’s easy to begin feeling walked over, less appreciated, and less heard. All of these factors can strain both personal and professional relationships by building resentment. However, Sharon Martin believes that the easy fix for this is to establish boundaries, explaining that “when we set limits, speak up for ourselves, and communicate our needs and expectations clearly, we’re less likely to feel angry and resentful” (Martin). This is because now our own needs are being met enough to successfully meet the needs of others without feeling drained or taken advantage of. If you feel as though you haven’t been speaking up for yourself ,angry in situations you aren't comfortable with, it may be time to set more boundaries. No matter whether the anger stems from overcommitment, overspending, mistreatment, or any other cause, this anger can be resolved by sticking to the boundaries you created for yourself.
Photography: Ron Lach
If you need more advice, PsychCentral suggests these ten ways to set and maintain good boundaries:
Enjoy some self-reflection
Understand why these boundaries are important to you and how they benefit your emotional well-being.
Start Small
This allows you to take things at a more comfortable pace, and allows time to reflect if things are going in the right direction.
Set them early.
By setting boundaries from the very beginning, everyone knows where they stand, and feelings of hurt, confusion, and frustration can be lessened.
Be Consistent
This helps to reinforce your original thresholds and beliefs, and it ensures those lines remain clearly established.
Create a framework
Photography: Laura Tancredi
There’s no reason to not have a few basics that can be adapted based on the type of relationship.
Feel free to add extras.
Sometimes there are already certain boundaries in place, but consider these the minimum. It is okay to also have your individual boundaries.
Be aware of social media.
If an action is deemed boundary-crossing in real life, your concerns should be no less valid when these actions occur digitally.
Talk, talk, talk
Communication is critical in the world of boundaries, especially when someone continuously oversteps yours.
Be your biggest champion
For boundaries to have a strong foundation, you need to show yourself some love. Do only what feeds your own heart, and what makes you happy.
Gain some perspective
Not having boundaries can be detrimental to mental health, but going too far and overthinking them can also impact emotional well-being.
(PsychCentral)
The advice, tips, and tricks shared by these experts intend to help people feel more happy, content, and standing your ground in all relationships—both personal and professional. If approached correctly, the people in your life should respect your boundaries, listen to what you have expressed, and not expect you to waver. In work environments, it might seem best to be a “yes” person, but that quickly leads to burnout and less productivity. As experts have stated, the conversation to express individual boundaries is crucial to personal well-being and success. This is an important conversation with all people in all areas of your life; it will immensely improve your well-being. □
Photography: Yaroslava Borz
About the Writer
Olivia is currently enrolled at Arizona State University where she is working to obtain her online bachelors degree in English and a minor in Gender and Women’s Studies! She has always had a passion for writing and enjoys doing it in her free time as well as for assignments and work. Along with other art forms, such as dance, Olivia enjoys using her skills to represent who she is and share her insights with others.
Article Credits
Olivia’s Instagram: @oliviaburd
Sources
https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/6-benefits-of-setting-boundaries/
https://www.theresiliencecentre.com.au/boundaries-why-are-they-important/
https://managementisajourney.com/the-danger-of-creating-yes-people/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#10-tips
Some of the most impactful events on my confidence (in a weirdly great way) are when things go wrong. My mom has always said that “The only way out is through.” This piece of wisdom then encourages me to put my head right in the muck of what is going on—I then am able to rise above and come out the other side a bit wiser and a lot more confident, having added that piece of advice to my tool kit for life.